The Sweet 16 that Started it All…
My Sweet 16
September 3, 2006
(one month prior to my bipolar diagnosis)
For many years the association with my Sweet 16 and my diagnosis festered, leaving me with regret and wonder of the cause and effect of the two. I never really moved pass the Sweet 16. I remained stuck in time, looking through photos and often rewatching the professional DVD documenting its every greatness. It had become a sort of birthday tradition for me. The problem, however, was I did not reflect to reminisce on good times, but rather search for the answers not even God holds.
I have since removed the multitude of photos from this day. This album entitled, "Dream do come true..." is stored on a shelf, in an effort to maintain some happiness of this day.
I understand now that the two are completely unrelated but instead, mere coincidence that when put together created a better story than the one I was living. With or without a grand Sweet 16, I had bipolar disorder. I’ve adopted an understanding of this illness to be a part of me - something that I was most likely born with. Still, I have wondered if this onset of manic and depressive episodes was triggered by a birthday, I spent way too many years glorifying.
Today, I try not to think much about the past. For me, in order to accept the life I have now, I have needed to move forward. A lot of this has come from years in therapy. Bipolar disorder is not a punishment. Realizing this gave me a sense of freedom, I yearned for. My illness is not a result of nazar or bad karma. What I have learned this year, especially, is letting go of the girl I once was and her dreams, FREED ME, allowing me to create new dreams and unlock my greatest potential. Letting go of the past, gives me a future, which is so much more than I could ever have hoped for. Just a few years ago, I was drowning in my own ideations, blinded from any prospect of a future, let alone an upcoming birthday.
Learning to find joy in the simpler things - like my love for Barbie collecting.
Today, I choose the present in every form. Here are my affirmations for year 34:
I will stay in the moment, keeping my thoughts where I stand.
I will only judge myself as I am today.
Letting go of who I once was, lets me LOVE who I am now.
What a decade of mental health advocacy taught me
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Speaking at the 2024 Slashie Summit on the panel entitled, “The Art of Activism: How to Make your Voice Matter in Today’s World”
There is NOTHING more EMPOWERING than speaking your TRUTH.
Hiding who you are and holding shame in your heart, only produces one thing - self hate.
Hearing your own voice speak words of inspiration and motivation breeds confidence.
You can only build yourself, when you believe in yourself, your being and every fabrication in the way that God made you.
Even when advocacy is sparked from injustice and bias, it is passion, necessity and survival that truly make an advocate.
Support becomes a luxury on a journey of advocacy. There will always be nay sayers. It is vigor, commitment and dedication that truly make you thrive.
Not everyone will applaud or appreciate your authenticity. That is okay. People pleasing is just another form of self doubt.
Tenacity, strength and courage are characteristics that ONLY you can gift yourself.
Any battle requires armor. The battle to be heard and to be seen, can only be fought with an armor of self belief.
Days of self doubt and defeat are inevitable. On those days, look back at your journey. Listen to your own words and find the hope within.
Advocacy doesn’t have to be loud. It doesn’t have to make noise. Advocacy is not measured by followers or likes. Advocacy is your own belief and passion fueled by a need for change. Change comes in all forms. It is not always TED talks and viral videos. Change are the conversations and messages that say, “I’ve been through this. Thanks for telling me I’m not alone.” These are the conversations that slowly break through stigma. Ending the stigma is the change.
Welcome!
Welcome to my blog! I am Subrina Singh, a proud South Asian American, living with bipolar disorder. I want to start by saying how grateful I am to start this journey and share bits of my life with a severe mental illness. At 16, when I was diagnosed my number was priority was to hide - to hide my illness more specifically. I was so dedicated to creating a facade as a way to mask my illness from the world. Like most people, I feared judgement. And like many South Asians, I held onto the shame my illness caused.
A decade ago, I shared my story for the first time. And, OMG - it was so incredibly freeing! For the first time in my life, I began to live my truth. That is when, my healing truly began. It was then, I added “start blog,” on my goal list. And there it remained, until today.
So, here I am, finally checking this task off my list. My heart is so full to begin this new journey with all of you. What I once hid, I now own with pride! It brings me great joy, to welcome you to my bipolar journey.